April 8th 2011

Ive been looking at a lot of art magazines that a friend has given me, they are from the mid 90's. I hate to say it, but I enjoy their content more than most of the current ones I've been following.

I stretched an 8ft canvas that I am excited to get started on. Ive been working on a large canvas, around 6 feet, 3 women picking flowers in a garden wearing white cotton dresses. Took much time with the dots i've been fond of including lately, I became dissatisfied with it though, upon working in spite of a flustered state one day I dominated the picture with red oil, and have not had the heart to progress. It feels too muddy, i wanted to limit my colours, but now with the red oil, it seems dull and dissonant.

Also been working with more gestural drawings, need to get the wiggles out before they taint my bigger pieces i've been starting. I know that if i cant release some of the energy in my lines through small studies i will become over eager and soil my other work. Constraints of working in a smaller space that doesnt lend itself to the work is surely effecting most aspects of these pieces, learning is good though.. Wasnt it Da Vinci that said working in small spaces makes you smarter? At least my walls are white... I am always tempted to work directly on to them. ha.

There are so many artisticals I'd like to practice that by the time it comes to : "What do i do with this," or "How do i market this?" I dont have time. I hang work in our coffee shop, but it kills me when so many people act so smugly toward it so often. I don't like explaining any of it or discussing it with people who dont truly care or want to know anything about it...

I have been often struggling lately with what i should paint toward. What is there for me to say? Masterbatory self expression is leaving me blank, as I feel less. I may pick some ideal to stand for, a solid thing, a solid concept to apply myself to, some worthy cause to paint about, so as not to be so stuck in the question of "why?" I need something really pivotal to all human beings, something to better the human race. Ha, bettering the human race, how cheesy...